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Rodeo News

Killed Wolf with "Bear Hands"

Rodeo Legend JD Kornuto Killed A Wolf With The Front Paws Of A Bear - Which He Also Killed.

After stalking and black bear for three days, rodeo legend JD Kornuto shot the savage beast four times at close range with his Tec-9 handgun. Just as Kornuto had severed the bear's paws with a hack saw, a lone timberwolf appeared on the scene. Kornuto wheeled around and bludgeoned the unsuspecting canine to death. Said Park Ranger Louis Finch, "This is f*cking sick. I want that A**hole arrested."

Kornuto Wins Kansas Saddle Bronco Riding Comp. Bareback, Naked.

Kornuto took first place in the Kansas City Saddle Riding Competition, in an unusual display of his riding prowess and sizable man-girth. An inebriated, nude Kornuto battled his way through a crowd of handlers and rodeo clowns to leap on top of Bixby, a spry 2-year-old, and kick open the gate himself. One mesmerized onlooker observed, "That was longest 8 seconds I've ever seen." It was certainly the longest 8 seconds Kornuto's junk had ever seen, as well.

Kornuto Vows To Tie Every Hog South of Mason-Dixon.

At a press conference in the bar of a Talequah, OK Ramada Inn, JD Kornuto vowed to a group of confused bellhops, receptionists, and a traveling softball team, that no hog was safe from his hog ties. "Bring it," Kornuto boasted, between shots of khalua. Local hog breeders were unavailable for comment.

Rodeo Star Kornuto Denies Paternity Allegations.

At a press conference from Room 305 at the Ramada Inn of Talequah, OK, JD Kornuto denied the latest paternity claim. "That little baby ain't mine," Kornuto swore. "But if I had put it in the mama, she'd have had triplets. That's how strong my sperm is!" This is the third denial from Kornuto in a series of allegations. Each time, he emphasized that this has nothing to do with the virility of his semen.
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